may 13th, 2021

beliefs... a considerable amount of goodness in society is based on the proportion of people who
remember what it's actually like to be a child. the memory of being a child is fragile, has to be
safeguarded like a child itself. a vast swath of our society is unspokenly devoted to overwriting
the memories as quickly & perversely as possible... i guess there's also a second negative
definition of child in play i.e. a toxically masculine man might kill someone because
he's a giant child? selectively smothering & fanning different aspects of childhood

june 4th, 2021

i think that innocence is really necessary for the good of everyone, that i have to viciously reject the narrative that
people lose it permanently early in life, in favor of one where it's just a state of being attainable at any moment,
because maybe in people who are convinced it's just permanently gone then it effectively does die, & maybe the
higher the proportion of people who remember what it's really like to be a child, the better things generally are, but
also that the memories are kind of fragile & have to be safeguarded kind of like a child itself, & also there are lots
of societal structures that try to overwrite them as quickly & perversely as possible, & that this is tangled with
preserving one's sense of individuality i.e. early childhood experiences & attitudes that impart people with
things in their head that are sufficiently unique & tied to those experience & when they happened that they
have to just tolerate being kind of alone with them, maybe avoiding losing them to the simultaneous
togetherness & homogeneity of internet culture where it feels like there's no room for anything
like that, & that there is a metaphorical link between innocence & physical entropy in that
everything in the universe tends towards chaos & disorder, while anything that stays
ordered has something putting energy in, keeping it that way, explaining why it's
hard to expect such attitudes from people in aggregate if they're "physically"
unlikely, nuanced, ordered, so goodness is defying the odds by permitting
anything fragile to exist, that people can be orderly or entropic, that
gross cultural artifacts would want to pull me apart at the seams
spiritually just like the universe wants to physically, & it is
my will, my counter energy, that keeps me together! ok?