june 26th, 2021

new theory about myself: part of the reason i have a fixation on protecting or reclaiming fragile
primordial essences is just that i've been experiencing depersonalization for basically my entire
teenage & adult life. i still faintly remember living with a deep, fundamental difference in my
cognition that felt much better than how i feel now. with little basis for comparison, i began to
assume this is what happens to everyone, or at least what everyone is in constant danger of.
a certain thing i regard as a pure primordial essence that can be so easily missed, forgotten,
or lost may really just be the feeling of experiencing my life in unfettered first-person