July


july 1st. i woke up at seven-thirty to make my rapid disappearance. i had not gotten quite enough sleep for even a normal day, let alone
the leviathan day that this was sure to be. just to name two events that presumably stood between me & my next period of sleep: two
hours in st. louis; five hours in chicago. chicago would be without a doubt the largest city i'd have ever as much as passed through

this was my friend & i's last morning in each other's company. i woke him up at about eight & asked him to call the uber. he did so. we waited fifteen
minutes for it to arrive. i was glum. it arrived, & we parted ways. i teared up a little as i walked away from the building, & a few times during
the drive too. endings are sad for me. the driver was playing yellow submarine, then good day sunshine. various beatles songs in general

i arrived at the clinic one minute before the appointment time, which i thought was pretty lucky given the slapdash nature of cab rides. i was in
the waiting room for half an hour, though. somehow i still had on the band-aid from a week prior, & i pointed that out to the nurse. she found
it amusing, or at least humored it with a chuckle. i got a shot. it hurt more than usual. it was also the last of that vial of medication

i walked to the coffee shop & spent about two hours there. i got a black bean hummus wrap. a scam telemarketer called
me, & every time he said a plosive sound it was like a burst of static. i told him he needed a better mic. the June
specials were still up, & i got one before i left: an "aloha mocha," a latte with coconut, almond, & mocha

my brother drove me home. all my packing was basically done for the most part, as the various
packing i'd done for my trips out to the farm was essentially also the packing for the bus ride

i put all the finishing touches on the june journal. i finally posted it, & the june anon asks. then i wrote this
entry. i felt kind of out of it, & had difficulty critically reviewing the way i'd described things to make sure they
felt personable or natural. i finished this entry up to this point at one-eighteen. my bus would depart at four-thirty-five

i would be travelling in the same outfit as last time. i would have the same brand of protein bars that i had
last time. they would be peanut butter bars, though. i had hoped to find strawberry, like i had last time

i drank my latte & we headed to the bus stop. the guy there who prints the tickets recognized us immediately
from last year. i got my tickets. he told us that the bus was running eight hours late, though. i would
be departing around midnight. so we went home. i had sort of wasted the caffeine in my latte

i spent the next eight hours becoming totally loopy as i descended much further into lack of sleep than i had expected to be by my
time of departure. i also spent that time unlisting albums that i wasn't particularly fond of from my youtube channel & reuploading
them on a new second channel that i would relegate my less discriminate music archival too. i also did some math & determined that
i drink just under seventeen gallons of water per month. i walked to the store for snacks & another coffee. it was blazing
hot out, unbearable really, the sun like a death ray, making it unmistakable what side of my body it was on

around ten, i called the bus stop for an update. it was still slated to arrive around midnight.
the girl who answered said, while looking it up, "let's see where this bad boy is"

finally, we headed back so i could get on the big lousy bus.
i left my bottle of coffee in the freezer. i had not opened it

-

july 2nd. it arrived. it was really crowded! it turned out that it had been running
late because of something that had happened in Albuquerque, just like last time

my dad told me to be wary of a guy in a green shirt who had stepped off the bus, because he thought he was on meth. but the guy turned around & the
back of his shirt said "march against meth." my dad also said i should try to sit by a guy about my age who was wearing a stocking cap. he liked
the cut of his jib. the guy reminded me of Nardwuar. i liked the cut of his jib too so i accepted the directive to sit next to him if possible

i didn't get a seat by Nardwuar, though. i sat by a young, twitchy guy in a blue hoodie who sniffed constantly. when he wasn't sleeping, he spent
most of his time hunched over, with his hood up, studying a book or a cd case very intently. the book seemed to be about... theater, maybe

there was no room in the compartment under the bus so i had to stow my luggage & my backpack overhead. both items were
at different spots separated from my seat, which disconcerted me. there were no power outlets, either. i sat in the dark,
untangling my earbuds by touch. they had maybe one of the worst sorts of knot they could get. a very tight, efficient one
that was immediately prior to each of the buds themselves... once i got them untangled i listened to lucy incessantly

we stopped for fifteen minutes at a truck stop with some restaurants. this was around where the taco truck had been last year, but it was two
in the morning now. practically everyone filed off for some food. during a stall in that filing, a lady said things like, "how does this happen
every time? come on, left right left right people, it's not that complicated." i amused her by tilting my head left & right a bit in time
with her words. after everyone was off, an old lady asked me what was going on, seemingly on the verge of panic. i told her

deep into the three hour span between there & st. louis there was a somewhat tortuous period where i was unavoidably on the constant verge
of dozing off, but my posture never permitted it. i would listen to lucy, semi-doze off, wake up, listen to lucy more, & so on. i tried to keep
my phone screens off for the most part, scared that i would bother people who were trying to sleep. for a couple of minutes a baby cried

finally the sky began to just barely change in a way one could tell was the start of sunrise. the driver whooped at a sudden, dramatic lightning strike.
it had been too dim for me to recognize that it was cloudy. as the landscape became revealed, the light & new wealth of visual stimuli relieved me from
my tiredness. "watch the fucking sunrise i swear to god i will kill you," i thought to myself, trying to dissuade myself from looking at my phone. all joy
for all eternity
by john maus pleasingly soundtracked the cloudy dawn gradual thickening frequency of buildings as we approached the st. louis airport

we stopped at the airport at about five-thirty. twitchy boy got off, securing me a window seat with no one by me for a little while.
about half an hour later i spotted the arch, & several minutes later we parked at that same old metro center from last year. i let
most of the people get off before me, since my backpack was behind me & going against the flow of people to retrieve it would
have been a nightmare. Nardwuar woke up, disoriented, & asked where we were, seemingly on the verge of panic. i told him

i went in & saw some old friends. i heard that we all might need our tickets amended, so i waited in line with
everyone. listening to cooper b. handy vol. six in that line was a particular feeling. i ate my first protein bar.
i did not spent nearly as long in this building as i thought i would, not even long enough to get some coffee

a charming Burlington Trailways driver, a Mr. Eggers, came down the line looking at everyone's tickets, commenting on
them. he wondered why they had me passing through Chicago when it was so indirect. he said i needed to get my ticket
amended to his bus if possible, because it went straight to Iowa City, but he said he was leaving in about ten minutes

i got to the counter. the lady there amended my ticket to Mr. Eggers' bus but warned me that i needed to dash to
the terminal immediately, or i'd be stuck in the building until the following day. so i dashed away. Nardwuar had
been standing behind me in line & i had really wanted to try to talk to him, because he really did seem
like a cool guy. that did not happen, though. i dashed away & became estranged from Nardwuar

i did make it to the bus on time. it turned out i wouldn't be seeing Chicago after all. nor even St. Louis for as long as i anticipated. i was a bit
disappointed by that. Eggers sat down in the drivers' seat while my luggage was still sitting outside, & i nervously went up to ask him if it'd
be loaded on. he thanked me for asking. it seems he would have drove off without it if i hadn't questioned him. we set off. the inane safety
video played. after that, it seemed i was denied the option of not listening to the radio. it was tolerable nineties r&b, at least

about ten minutes in, i had the shocking realization that we were going to pass the exact vantage point from which i had tried
to take a photo of an air traffic control tower framed against the enormity of the sky, exactly one year prior. i had missed
it while fumbling with my phone, & felt a bit anguished about it for a little while afterward. the time of day &
weather conditions were practically identical. it'd be perhaps another year of waiting if i couldn't get it!

i got this. i felt it wasn't ideal, but at least it was something. i think one can tell generally what i saw that first time that made
me want to take a photo, i guess. i had hoped the tower would feel bigger in the frame. i took four extra photos [1] [2] [3] [4]

we stopped for food again. it was here that i first noticed an old guy who was riding the bus with a chihuahua. we all ambled into a nearby gas
station for food. we were all adults, with everyone else seeming to be men at least double my age. but something about us all being permitted
to leave the bus to walk over to this building to food seemed to cast us all in the light of tiny elementary school children, which amused me

the man with the chihuahua was told by a cashier that he couldn't have it in the building. i saw him stop
at the door before he left & turn back towards her, with the chihuahua now riding on his shoulder, & say
"i was gonna buy five hundred gallons of fuel you old bitch" in his mumbly old midwestern guy voice

i got a yogurt drink & a buffalo chicken wrap. i suspect that unthinkingly eating this wrap with my unwashed
hands was the moment at which i caught an infection that would make itself known about twenty-four hours later

we set off. about half an hour later a guy across the aisle, about my age, who had not spoken to me or acknowledged
my existence up to that point, got my attention just to point out this house to me... it's like he knew me. i'm pretty
sure i even photographed the same house a year ago. that was the only thing he ever said to me

we passed a big dog riding in the back of a pickup truck... on the interstate! we crossed the mississippi, & the condition of being suspended
above it came very suddenly, caught me off guard. it was, again, the worst part of the whole drive for me - particularly the point at which
you're not on the primary part of the bridge yet, such that, from the bus, you can't even see what it's driving on, like you're just
floating in the air... the driver said that there had been a lot of traffic the day prior & it'd taken half an hour to get across

we drove through a charming little illinois town, then across the mississippi again! about ten minutes later i swear to god i saw a two
story house way off in the distance that said "TRUMP MOM" on the side, one line for each word, each line being a whole story tall

i had another two-hour layover in the strange little room where the unwell man named Michael had handed me
notes saying to get on his bus with him the year before. Michael was not here this time. i got a can of coffee

i decided to pass some time by walking to a nearby wal-mart for some hand sanitizer. in the parking lot a car drove
by with a young girl barking yapping out the window. i smiled at her. after wal-mart i looked around a little botany
shop next door to the bus station. finally i reboarded & we headed off for Iowa City. i was very exhausted

i arrived at Iowa City. i immediately walked down the block & around the corner to the same coffee shop i'd wandered
to last time. i bought a can of sparkling water, just like last time. i saw an envy-sparking beautiful woman, just like
last time. my pal & his mom arrived. i sent him a discord message that said, verbatim, "time to exit Starbucks,"
just like last time. i exited Starbucks. my pal was standing there. so now we were meeting in person!

as we drove to Cedar Rapids i laughed quietly to myself because i had a really vulgar version of that give me the beat boys song in my head. we
arrived at my pal's house. his house is like a hundred years old. i really adore old houses like this. you can feel it in practically every aspect.
flat level ceilings & old defunct wall outlets that have been painted over. hardwood floors & baby blue paint & an unmistakable smell

his dad has a music studio in the basement & it smells exactly like the tiny house
in the middle of nowhere that i lived in for the last third or so of fourth grade

this time the puzzle(s) looked like sleeping kittens, france, legos, & bins of berries. we went
on a walk around the neighborhood, looked at various parks & a big pretty middle school

after sunset we went out to the tent to sleep. i was very fatigued. we would be sleeping in a tent
in the backyard because he & his family had cleared out a bedbug infestation a while ago &
i was sort of terrified of the idea of bringing stragglers back to my apartment

-

july 3rd. i woke up with a sensation that i could immediately tell was going to become a sore throat after a while. we went to a local grocery
store & bought some food to eat at the biggest park nearby. on the way we passed some garbage on a corner, among which was the horrible
sight of five or six large, fat, dead fish emitting a potent stench of death. i really didn't like thinking about those big, dead, sun-parched fish

we arrived at the store. he got a salad, i got some sliders & red velvet cake. we
also both got bottles of sparkling water, & boxes of little cookie dough bites

the red velvet cake was kind of disappointing. it was dry, & i like when icing has a sort of acidic(?) quality to it. but it was just kind
of cloyingly sweet. we continued across the park, listening to jake tobin & slugbug. we passed a guy in a blue shirt who was very
rigidly sat on a park bench with his head down, looking pretty brooding. he was so still that i worried a little that he was dead

we walked to a nearby walking trail, at the entrance of which was a little playground. we walked down the trail a bit but turned
back because i was getting really exhausted. we set off back for his house. when we crossed the big park again, the guy was
still there, just as motionless. i was still a little worried that he was dead. we never checked on him, though

later we went back to the store to get some lozenges to numb my throat. we also picked up some cough drops.
on the way home we stopped & got dilly bars at a little dairy queen situated in the middle of the neighborhood

we went home. after sunset we fell asleep in the tent surrounded by the sounds of fireworks

-

july 4th. my sore throat woke me up in the middle of the night, having worsened significantly. it was a little past midnight. i staggered out
of the tent to spit in the grass, fumbled around inside for the backdoor keys, staggered into the house. i hadn't drank a meaningful amount of
anything in about eighteen hours, since it hurt to swallow anything. my hands were dry. i went to the spare room, sat down, stared at
nothing miserably, everyone else asleep. i was sat next to a sweetie cat asleep on a blanket that looked just like its fur pattern

i made myself take three ibuprofens, then lied down on my friend's bed for a while, brought my laptop up &
plugged it in. he eventually made an appearance to check on me. i went back out to the tent & fell asleep

he later told me that plugging my laptop into the extension cord in his room increased a minor risk of fire, since only the downstairs outlets were
grounded. so for the rest of my stay i was mostly on an odd system of bringing my laptop upstairs, using it for one duration of battery life, then
bringing it back down to charge for a while. this sort of functioned as a self-regulating measure against "computerification" of our time together

that day his dad drove us to Salvation Army & Half Price Books. i took a lot of pictures of vinyl sleeves.
covers of various versions of the soundtrack to my fair lady tended to be consistently great, for some reason

my pal got two books: michael chabon's the amazing adventures of kavalier & clay; a collection of short story anthologies by gabriel garcia
marquez. one dvd: a collection of three sherlock holmes movies. three cds: mountain songs, something called have you solved the code?
with the mona lisa on the cover & five layers of price tags, & a copy of vitamin c's self-titled (for me.) five lps: twenty-five polkas,
which had the wrong disc in it, six fat dutchmen, jethro tull's a passion play, kansas' song for america & leftoverture

we went home until it was time to go see the fireworks. while we were there i called
the grocery store's pharmacy to see if i could get my prescription sent there. i could

we went & watched the fireworks from the same bridge as last time. we went home. it felt less distinct in my memory
than the first time we went. it was also unbearably hot & humid out, so we slept inside. i had gotten over my bedbug
fears, everything seemed fine. his bed is pretty small, so i slept on the floor, on top of some sleeping bags

-

july 5th. the sore throat was gone, but i still felt ill. i called the pharmacy to see how much it'd cost to pick up my
prescription. my health insurance had gone out by that point, which apparently caused it to skyrocket from zero to
ninety-three dollars. they ran it through a "discount card," though, which brought it down to only fourteen

we watched monty python & the holy grail. i had never seen it. my pal's mom told us that a severe thunderstorm was going to roll in in
a few hours, so we had to take down the tent. we watched smoke signals. after that we got drunk in his room. i slept on the floor again

-

july 6th. i still felt very stuffy & funny. i wrote most of the journal up to this point - the part where we drove to
the bus stop, & everything after. i smelled the weirdest, strongest perfume that my friend gave me, to make sure
that i was just stuffy & hadn't lost my sense of smell entirely [it was basically just the exact smell of vick's
vapo-rub...]
. i played frisbee with Grace, the family's german shepherd. we finished the france puzzle. we
worked on the puzzles in that little spare room next to his bedroom, our secondary hangout location

his brother & his brother's girlfriend came over for dinner because it was taco night. i didn't interact with either of
them much at all. after dinner we walked to the store to pick up my prescription & some snacks & sparkling water.
we got home & watched some foreign cartoons. i took a nap, then took an antihistamine. i liked how loopy the
antihistamine made me feel. we watched the adventures of baron munchausen, which was great

-

july 7th. his dad drove us to the library. we spent a little while there, went up on the green roof. on a chalkboard i drew the
apple that i've been drawing everywhere for years
. then we walked to the museum & saw an exhibit of work by richard pinney,
creator of the bricolage that i fell in love with last year. also notable was a section featuring abstract art, & a section featuring
numerous works by tomas & charlie lasansky, & eve drewelowe. i got another small original artwork from the art-o-mat

after the museum, we walked about a mile, crossed the Cedar River, to a charming little restaurant that specializes in hot dogs. it has a plane on
top of it. as we passed an apartment building, a gruff old guy sitting outside said, "you got longer hair than she does, & she's got long hair!"

at the restaurant, we each got a chicago dog & some fries. it was my first chicago dog, & it was really delicious. the fries were good too.
we walked back to the library. i sent an e-mail to the artist of the work i'd gotten, with a picture of it & some information about me. i also
included a picture of the work i got a year ago. we checked out the lighthouse & his dad drove us back home. we watched the movie that night

-

july 8th. i was awake a bit past midnight. i couldn't sleep because i felt
physically odd, lightheaded, getting chills. it eventually went away, though

he & his dad & i went grocery shopping. after we got home, he & i went on a walk around the neighborhood & got dilly
bars again. his dad made meatball subs that i liked a lot. i blissfully dozed off on the floor listening to the local jazz station

i was really craving lemon meringue pie today

after i woke up, we watched the making-of videos on the lighthouse disc, then the dark crystal, which
was okay. there were a lot of cool puppets, but the story was very generic & dull for me. we got drunk

-

july 9th. his mom drove us to Iowa City so we could pick up my bus ticket ahead of time. as we drove, his mom told me about her
wedding decorations three decades ago, & a ufo that she'd seen along a certain stretch of highway. we stopped to refuel the car
& at the pump adjacent to us there was a large pickup truck facing towards us with its brights on in the middle of the day

when we got to the little bus stop, we noticed that it had the exact same claw
machine in the st. louis metro building that has my old animal friends on it

after i got my ticket, the three of us walked to the natural history museum next to the old capitol building. we
stopped at a cafe & she bought us snickerdoodles. we passed a bench covered in stickers that communicated
the bleak "instagram-wholesomeness" that was inevitably endemic to the college town we were in

the museum was very nice. i thought the dioramas were beautiful. i took a photo of him in front of
three big walruses, because he associates himself with walruses. he took a picture of me in front of a
dunkleosteus
. later we saw a diorama of ourselves. in the gift shop he bought me a gypsum desert rose

after we got home, we started the fruit puzzle & worked on it for a little while while listening to music. he played
the end of music by morusque. we went downstairs & listened to his dad & his dad's friends playing rock music in
the basement, blissfully muffled through the floorboards. his mom sang when they played fleetwood mac songs

then we went on a long, pleasant walk to a pretty grotto with a lagoon & five structures dedicated to the virgin mary. on the way there,
along a very pretty street, we saw some slender four-legged creatures in the distance that might have been foxes. i also saw Snoopy

as we walked home, we saw a big hot air balloon way off in the distance. then i chased a squirrel up a
telephone pole & it just stared down at me, seemingly recognizing nowhere to escape to, so i left it alone

we went home & got drunk

-

july 10th. around midnight i drunkenly bawled my eyes out in my underwear while sitting on the porch steps with my breasts
visible & at least once drooling all over myself. i felt in the moment like if the same issue was going to torment me for like
eight years then i wanted at least once to just bawl over it in a way that felt a bit dramatic & unhindered... then i slept

his dad drove us to a civil war reenactment. i had been picturing something more dramatic than what was really going on. i thought it would
be some kind of detailed battle lasting all day, over a very wide area, precisely mirroring some historic account of the large-scale shifts in
a particular battle. instead it was a bunch of tents on a little old abandoned farm where people in period attire sat & gave educational
lectures with a tinge of roleplay. they had an actual functioning cannon from the war too! but we didn't get there in time to see them
set it off. you could smell the gunpowder, though. i went into a little shed & bought a dill pickle for a dollar. that was good.
it'd been a long time since i bit into a dill pickle. before we left, i bought a mason jar of peach jam for four dollars

we stopped at a grocery store on the way home to get two pizzas for dinner. i wanted all the food & snacks we went past, i felt ravenous.
his dad got us some black cherry vodka sodas. during the drive home, several songs by The Cars played & they were all really good,
so i resolved to listen to them more. when we got home i immediately tried the peach jam on two pieces of toast. it was nice

we worked on the fruits puzzle. i put the time on my wrists & noticed over time that it was making me feel just like
i did the night i saw inland empire, because i had been wearing it that night. there's so much potential in controlled
scent memory links! it's killing me how much potential there is relative to how little i'm exploring it

his dad's parents stopped by! they were very nice

we drank the vodka sodas that night as we watched labyrinth, which i thought was better than the dark crystal.
its pacing felt totally absurd, maybe "aggressive," which was engaging. i still didn't find it very good, though

this might be the night that i found a live bed bug on my sleeping bags & drowned it in the bathroom sink.
this didn't cause me to start freaking out or anything. it was the only one i had seen, & i hadn't noticed
any bites. sure, i had caught a straggler, but they really didn't seem to be a problem anymore...

-

july 11th. a little after midnight i rolled around & clutched my head & rolled around & screamed
uncontrollably into my pillow, despairing over the same things i had bawled about the night before

we walked to a bus stop. when the bus parked, it made loud hissing & beeping sounds that startled me. we rode the bus to the library to
return the lighthouse & check out parasite. we got lunch at the cafe in the library, the one that surprised us last year with how good
the sandwiches were. he got a roast beef sandwich & a gatorade. i got a blt & an iced latte. we were now pretty low on money

i refilled my water bottle at the same fountain from last year, the one of the sort that i am familiar with, with the little
digital counter of how many bottles it's filled. my bottle was #48,448. so it had refilled 2,958 bottles during the past year

a chalkboard invited me to try to draw a turtle, so i did

we walked downtown, then along the cedar river, over to the distinct "tree" sculpture which stands near it. we couldn't walk right up to it, because
of construction work. i looked down at the water from a bridge, at a point where the river flow collided with one of the bridge's piers. i admired the
unpredictable pattern of the waves which rebounded off, opposite to the overall flow. sometimes they were weak, sometimes a particularly strong one
managed to form. i felt like i was seeing something really complex. i tried to point this out to him, but we were standing right by the exact spot
where hillary clinton had once filmed a video of herself "chilling in cedar rapids," & he was very eager to recreate that video with me

we wandered deeper into the downtown area & looked around, then meandered
back to the library & spent about an hour there before we took the bus back home

i spent a while touching up my rym list of songs with lyrics that i like. his dad brought us a twin air
mattress, so i didn't have to sleep on piled up sleeping bags anymore. that night we watched parasite

-

july 12th. we walked to a nearby college & explored the library. there was a ton of original artwork, even a painting from 1710. i thought it was
probably better than the museum, even. they also had the painting old things by marvin cone, & next to it was the actual chair featured in the painting.
my favorite work was spanish model, by conger metcalf, 1978, for which there doesn't seem to be any photographs or even mentions anywhere online.
we went home & had chicken strips & french fries for dinner. we drank the vodka sodas & watched vampire's kiss, which was unexpectedly good

i imitated a distant train horn several times & he said "stop that, you don't wanna get its attention"

-

july 13th. his dad took us to two goodwills. i found a new skirt & a new dress. he found a couple of tapes & three lps. we had
beef stroganoff for dinner. we skimmed through the dvd that comes with ohm: the early gurus of electronic music, which was
sort of disappointing, then watched most of & now for something completely different. then we went on a night walk

a family who lived on a corner nearby had a fire going & they were playing basketball in the street. the moon was very big & the clouds
were playing across it in a way where it didn't feel at all like looking at the moon, but at some fluorescent fluid dripping down the sky
like honey. we walked past three bars with rowdy people congregating outside, & to a big, dark park, where we turned back

on the way back we passed a guy, perhaps in his twenties, walking the opposite way on the other side of the
street. he abruptly turned & yelled "check your snapchat!" very loudly & perhaps angrily, perhaps
at a woman who had just sternly walked past us like she was pursuing his drunken self

when we were almost home i twirled around several times in the middle of a street & my dress fell down, exposing my bra. when we got
home i frantically typed reminders on my phone of things i had seen & thought during the walk, because i hadn't taken the phone along

it was by around this time that we were kind of out of money & wouldn't get to check out any more restaurants or anything

-

july 14th. we went on a big walk, about five miles total. first we set out for a big lake. on the way there we met a very
friendly cat
that hurried over to us on its terraced lawn & pleaded for our attention. we petted the cat. i would hold my hand
over its head & it would hop up on its hind legs a little to give me a headbutt. he promised the cat that we would be back later

we walked along the edge of the lake, over to a bridge where some people were fishing, & back. then we went over to
a big, hilly, beautiful, forested park. between us & that park was a stretch of road which had no sidewalk whatsoever
due to road work, & it was the only way over a creek. we dashed across during a pause in traffic, & made it to the park

at that park we climbed a really big steep beautiful forested hill. then we made our way back to the walking trail from july third, & from there
back to the big park from that day. i kept using drinking fountains to cover my arms in cooling water. we went & got dilly bars again. this
time i tried a cherry one. it was good. we had forgotten to take the route back that took us past that cat, so he had broken his promise

i had worn the new dress, which left my shoulders & upper back exposed, & a bit after we got home i started to
develop a sunburn, which got pretty bad over the course of the next week. that night we tried to watch oblivion
from full moon entertainment but i found it incredibly boring so we watched trancers instead, which was okay

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july 15th. we tried to catch the bus downtown again, so we could return parasite & maybe hang out at the library for a while. the stop is a
few blocks away, & we left the house shortly before it was due to arrive. i realized i had left my phone at home, so he gave me the house
keys & i sprinted back for it. the sprint killed me, but i wasn't quick enough, & the bus passed us. so we walked to a nearby park

then we decided to walk to a huge, preserved palatial estate that's open to the public. we couldn't go in the main building because it was
closed for repairs, but the property was really pretty. we saw deer, & there was a night garden, & a pond, & a weird blue & yellow stage that
looked like it was made of legos. it all was wonderful. on the way home we passed a pickup truck whose license plate said "gentle" [1] [2]

i walked around the house in the dress i had gotten the sunburn in, since it left my shoulders exposed & un-irritated. the reason it had
given me the sunburn was now the reason it assisted me with it. we tried to watch trancers two but i got incredibly sleepy a short ways in

-

july 16th. fairly early in the morning, his mom ran me through two whole scrapbooks of photos from her trips to
Rocky Mountain National Park with my pal's dad & brother over the past five years. they'd be leaving for the park the
following day, & be back a week after. she asked for help getting a park-themed charm bracelet on, but i couldn't get
it hooked. i didn't spend too much time trying since it made me anxious to be in physical contact with her

she went & ran some errands for a couple of hours, then came back & ran us to the supermarket for a grocery run to stock up for the week
that we'd have the house to ourselves. i brought my purse but left it in the car because it hurt too much to have the strap on my sunburned
shoulder... i found a box of blueberry tea! as we left the store, i also found someone's shopping list in the parking lot & gave it to my pal

a little while after we got home, we went & took a bus to the library so that we could return parasite & check out four films in its stead. the
first two we had placed holds on: one cut of the dead (which i was very curious about) & zappa. we also got sleepaway camp & good time

we lingered around the library for an hour, waiting for the bus to return. we got to see an auditorium that's usually off limits.
someone had left the door open because there was a wedding taking place on the roof, which the auditorium led up to. we wandered
across a skyway to the parking ramp next door. i wanted to walk all the way to the top, but he didn't want to, so he headed back to
the library while i pressed on. i got to the top & took a bunch of pictures of the surroundings, then took an elevator back down

we headed back home & had pizza for dinner. we started watching trancers two again but i got incredibly depressed a short way in because
of the women in the movie. i got really quiet & unresponsive for a while. we turned off the movie & went upstairs. i lied down under
a blanket on the air mattress for a while. my head felt like a pressure cooker. i lied catatonically on the bed for a while

i agreed to take a shower. so he finally cut off the blue armband i had gotten at the civil war reenactment. i had been
wearing it for six days as a gag. he had offered to cut it off many times. i took a long, hot shower. the water didn't
seem to irritate the sunburn, fortunately. after the shower i shambled over to the spare room in a towel, sat down,
stared catatonically at water dripping from three curling locks of my hair. it took me a little while to start to open
up. he gave me one of his shirts to use as a nightshirt. then we went downstairs & he made me some blueberry tea

we sat in the living room. i closed my eyes & tried to clear my thoughts while i drank the tea. i listened to the air conditioning
& Grace's quiet groans. i opened my eyes & described to him a scene that was right in front of us: a little table, with some wear
on the top surface, & a charming device on top of it that could play lots of physical audio formats. on top of the device was
a plastic-y doily-type thing, & sitting on that was three lion plushies. this was all situated in front of baby blue
curtains. prior to this, i had said that the curtains looked like the curtains that surround a hospital bed

i told him that this wasn't a visual i should already be so numb to. i said that the only times i'm not dissociated are
probably the ones where i can punch through & experience my life visually, not just in terms of the practical usages
of objects around me. i held the mug on my lap, on his very-dark-blue nightshirt, & idly twirled the spoon back
& forth with my thumb, middle finger, & index finger. i described all of this out loud in detail

he clarified that a thumb isn't a finger. i said that i hate encyclopedic knowledge. i thought out loud that maybe part of my
dissociation was overlaying too many maps over my everyday experience, "this is a finger, this isn't a finger." i said i'm
not a hand surgeon... shortly after i felt kind of mean for saying this. it might have come off like i was going off at such
a harmless comment, when i really did just mean to think out loud, using it as a jumping off point. i thought he seemed
kind of sad from this point on, & i wanted to ask him if he was okay, but i couldn't. i don't know why i couldn't. socially
proactive questions have always felt impossible for me. i feel like i can only be socially reactive. maybe he was just tired

-

july 17th. i stayed up a little while after him, a little while after midnight, typing
in this journal. his parents would depart at six in the morning. i fell asleep

we woke up. his parents were gone. we played fetch with grace & fed her. some petals had fallen
from the magnolia tree in the backyard & i picked up about four of them & brought them inside

it was a big day. the day of an annual free-to-attend concert with a lineup of ten or so bands & a food truck. a guy named
Fred hosts the event in his yard, about two blocks from my pal's house. so we walked to the concert & spent all day there

there was a middle-aged couple dancing almost constantly, which was very charming, & they kept at it
until about five hours in. there was also a caricature artist who sat under a canopy drawing each band

we brought two lawn chairs & sat under a canopy, but it was a bit close to the stage & i had my ears plugged constantly. so we moved
back a ways, having to sit in the sun. the bassist in the first band, who turned out to be Fred, came over to me, asked my name, &
said he'd look around for some ear plugs for me. a lady offered to let us sit in the shade with her but it was just too loud

there was a young child who spent the whole show dashing around the yard, talking to people, dancing & stuff like that. i heard
her call for my attention, & when i turned she was doing a scary upside down crab walk, which made me bust out laughing

my pal made occasional runs back to the house to refill our water bottles. i actually drank an absurd amount of water over the
course of the day, more than i'd imagine being capable of drinking. at least a gallon, i think. my pal brought back some sunscreen,
which i applied very liberally. on another run he found me some earplugs, so we were able to secure a spot in the shade again

i went to the food truck & got us two "pizza burgers" & some bacon ranch cheese fries. the pizza burgers weren't great. they were
like big mozzarella sticks in the shape of patties i guess, with a very slight amount of tomato sauce. but there wasn't much
detectable cheese in the patties, so the amount of breading just made it feel like eating a plain chicken sandwich

most of the bands were indistinguishable blues, rock, & country performed & perhaps written by guys who were probably fans of the grateful dead.
one guy had cds & i bought one just for the novelty. it costed five dollars. my enjoyment of each of these acts was primarily decided by how charming
their stage banter was. my favorite joke was something like, "everyone should be keeping hydrated so we've got some bottles of hydrogen hydroxide
over there." it turns out that really is just water, but to me it felt like he was just mashing up the word "hydration" with random chemical suffixes

there were a couple of actual standouts acts! the first was listed as "heavy metal," which had us both feeling pessimistic. but they turned out
to be... not remotely good, but entertainingly ridiculous. we thought it'd be like pantera but it was more like buckethead, a guy wearing a
cowboy hat, a cape, & a mask
walked out with no introduction & shredded to a pre-recorded backing tape of segued beats for forty
minutes straight. the tape included a simulated crowd shouting for him to play free bird, at which point he played the solo from it

then an ex-cop came out in a kilt & played bagpipes to segue into the next act, which
was a complete shoe-in for my favorite because they played beautiful irish folk music

what else... one of the later classic rock bands played the happy birthday song for
the food truck guy because, well, it happened to be his birthday. people line danced

my pal's chair broke, so i gave him mine. i had to either wander around or sit cross-legged. eventually i just sat on
a chair no one had been in for a while. but then, while my pal was making a run back home, a guy came & sat on his
chair! so when my pal came back i tried to ask the guy to move to another unattended chair, & he informed me that
i was sitting in his chair. so i gave him back his chair & one of the musicians let me sit on his extra chair

one of the musicians talked with chair guy about american oligarchy, & the two party system being a big distraction, & republican extension of
how much of the population one media monopoly is permitted to reach. a lady sang heterosexually gender-reversed versions of she thinks
my tractor's sexy
. another lady did the same for believer. but her backing vocalists were men, so i guess they were not heterosexual

the concert concluded with that young child going up & saying something to the effect of "um. hello
everyone. um, how is everyone's day going? i hope you all have a good rest of your day. thanks for
coming." we walked home. both of the cats were going crazy that night & it was very amusing

-

july 18th. we'd been out of money & on this day we resorted to the willfully dumb adventure of taking a bus to a dying mall with a bag of
thirty-six quarters so we could put them all in gumball machines & see if we found anything weird. during the bus ride the fabric of my
pal's shirt sleeve was lightly contacting my arm & the jostling of the bus made it brush against me slightly in a way that i enjoyed

in the mall we saw a ride for children of the exact same model as the deeply familiar one that i recorded the jingle from
back in december. it was out of order, so we couldn't hear the jingle. the escalators were narrow & i was wearing
the dress, which made me too scared to ride them because i had never been on one in loose clothing before

the food court had three restaurants called "koffi grill," "leafy bar," & "food stop," which we though sounded like fake
improvised restaurants that all led to the same shared kitchen. on the wall was the giant word "CHOMP" with a burger
for the "o." my friend thought it said "CHEMP" because the patties looked like the lines of an "E." we saw a dog in
a pink baby stroller, & i tried to get a picture but the owner came back right as i was getting ready to

while he was interacting with some gumball machines, i stood nearby repeatedly trying to do pirouettes. only the first one was any good. then
we went & got some pretzel bites with a cup of nacho cheese. i had an embarrassing moment while i was ordering the bites. the cashier couldn't
hear me, so i leaned forward, & she turned to me with a startled expression then asked me to please talk louder instead of leaning forward

ultimately i got a small figurine of a dog, a plastic watch, & a weird "stress ball" that felt like it came
from the same universe as like food stim tiktoks. he got another figurine of a dog, a cartoon cow pencil
topper, & a "blaster" that was clearly just a little plastic glock that worked as a little flashlight

during the bus ride home i saw one of those restaurant signs with individual movable letters that just said "eieio"

i watched one cut of the dead, which i thought was incredible, i adored it. the shakycam gave him a headache so
he had to tap out maybe twenty minutes in, then he read the synopsis on wikipedia. then we watched red letter
media's review of everything everywhere all at once. then we got drunk & watched manos: the hands of fate

-

july 19th. he's been bringing me oatmeal, toast, & juice every morning. it's very kind. today was the day that the peach jam ran out

in the morning he handed me his old copy of holes & i read a few chapters of it. i'm familiar with it, i think it's a great book. he said, "women
be visibly subvocalizing as they read," which made me start laughing every time i tried to resume reading because i knew he was watching for it

we watched part of hotel torgo, the short documentary about the making of manos. then we watched part of episode five of ernest
roulette
. then we listened to some songs by the cars. then his grandfather showed up to drive us to their house for dinner!

their house was really cozy & homey & beige, & they were still very kind, warm people. his grandma collected toy giraffes & dachshunds. i got to
look through a scrapbook of pictures of my pal as a baby, which was very fun. he's lived in this same house for his whole life, & i could recognize
it in some pictures from three decades ago. we had grilled chicken, carrots, green beans, some little crushed potatoes with garlic & stuff on
them, & turtle cake for dessert, with some coffee. the whole time, i kept thinking... "my god! i'm an orphan! i didn't even realize!"

after that they drove us to a nearby nature preserve type park to look at the diminished tree cover after a derecho that hit two years ago. the
car's sunroof was open. i had never been in a car with a sunroof, & i thought looking up through it was beautiful. the park was lush & green
& beautiful. afterwards we drove to a little park situated around a gigantic rock that had been transported to that spot by a glacier over
the course of thousands of years. shortly before we left i found a painted rock. it had a bumblebee about to land on a flower

after they took us home we got drunk & watched sleepaway camp

-

july 20th. i sat in the living room in my underwear, doing stuff on my laptop. suddenly i heard people unlocking the door, about to open it! i had no
idea what was going on. i had to jump up & flee upstairs. i told my pal. he looked out the window & told me the obvious answer, that his brother
& his brother's girlfriend were stopping by out of nowhere. they stuck around for a few minutes to interact with the animals, then took off

my pal found Chime Bird, a wonderful toy visible in one of those ancient polaroids. Chime Bird is a wonderful, rotund
plastic bird that is weighted at the bottom so that it will wobble if you tip it over a bit, & it has chimes inside

we took a bus to a stop near the hotel we'd stayed in last year. we walked over to the greenhouse, having to cross
a really busy street that absurdly had no crosswalk. it was hard to find the way into the greenhouse, we had to
circle halfway around the building twice. but once we were in, we looked at all the wonderful, diverse plants
in there. cacti, palm trees, succulents, orchids, orange trees, elephant ears, all kinds of stuff...

after that we walked to a goodwill. he found a charles ives cd, a michael daugherty cd, & a copy of the
crying of lot 49
. i found two blouses. i thought the pattern on one looked like the floor of a slaughterhouse...

we walked to a bus stop & had to wait there for half an hour. when we got home we watched a bunch of music videos that
we like. then we watched the first half hour of zappa. then i took a nap. i was feeling kind of humorless & dead & sad,
presumably from not getting quite enough sleep. he woke me up to eat dinner & we watched the rest of the movie

-

july 21st. we took the bus to the library & returned zappa, one cut of the dead, & sleepaway camp. we checked out bill & ted's
excellent adventure
. outside the library we found a cute children's book on the ground, called count my blessings, one to ten

outside, on the big abstract sculpture outside of the library, we found some unusual, severe
scrawlings. [1] [2] [3] [4] we got on a different bus route that took us to a huge park with
a playground, various sculptures, a swimming pool, &, most importantly, a petting zoo!

on the way to the petting zoo, we stopped by a little free library & found a copy of the sequel to holes. we took it with us

at the zoo there were ducks, goats, big fat rabbits, calves, pigs, sheep, & chickens. there was also a
big second duck area with tons of breeds of ducks. i also saw a chipmunk. he saw two chipmunks

i fed the goats several handfuls of feed, & one of them nibbled on my skirt. i think they tried to eat my shoelaces, too. in
their barn was a "corn pit" meant explicitly for people to play in & not to feed to the animals. the calves were very tranquil
& i think one of them tried to eat the same two garments. one of the pigs, the one with no markings on its head, was named
Ariel. i got a picture with Ariel. the sheep were named Daphne & Velma. i didn't get to pet them because they weren't
acclimated to people yet. they also didn't have the bunnies out in their pen. i saw a chicken dustbathing

we thought a goose had infiltrated the duck pond, but it turned out to just be a pekin duck. the utility shed at the
duck pond was called the Quack Shack. we saw lots of ducklings huddled up with a duck. next to the ducks' shelter
there was a radio playing a talk show. he joked that maybe the zoo kept it on all the time to keep them company,
& i didn't realize it was a joke & genuinely considered it as a possibility until the following evening

my sunburn didn't really hurt anymore, & around the time we headed back to the bus stop, i noticed it had
reached the freaky stage of healing where the skin looks bubble. we took the bus back home & watched
good time & hands of steel, which was on a big collection he has of fifty cheapo sci-fi movies

i messaged the awesome irish folk band on facebook & told them about some venues that i hang around
in my city, trying to create a slight chance that they might come down & play there someday. i also
e-mailed the college we'd walked to & asked if they ever took hi-res photos of their collection

-

july 22nd. we took the bus to the library & returned good time. then we walked downtown for a little while. we went to the
veterans' memorial building & looked around. there was a big stained glass window, a wonderful auditorium that felt like a big
school gymnasium, & a room with a bunch of model planes. we found a postcard & took it, deciding to send it to my dad [1]

we walked over to the big steel sculpture of a tree & then down to the waterfront & i stood at the edge of the water staring at the
river for a little bit. then we wandered around the streets downtown & back to the library. we checked out the man who fell to
earth
, big trouble in little china, & a ghost story, the last of which i've been pretty curious about for several years. i refilled
my water bottle at that same fountain. my bottle was #48,613. so it had refilled 165 bottles over the past eleven days

the bus that we meant to ride home just drove right past us, so we ambled back into the library & sat down. it wouldn't be
back for another hour. but then he got the idea to walk a few blocks to the transit center & catch a different route
that left the center every fifteen minutes & stopped a bit further away than the one we'd meant to catch

at home, i spent a bunch of time transcribing Lucy songs on genius.com, because there weren't very many of his songs on there

around six pm, four police suvs, a firetruck, & an ambulance pulled up outside. the cops were talking to a guy who was reclining on
a grass slope. he got loaded onto a gurney & taken away. the firetruck also drove off. my pal told me that a little while ago he'd heard
about twelve pops that were probably gunshots. i hadn't heard them. so we figured he'd been shot in the leg. the cops were looking
around a nearby alleyway & taped off the area for a little bit, taking photos & collecting evidence. after they took the tape down,
they called another firetruck in & used its hose to wash off the parking lot. i didn't see any blood, but maybe there
was some. they definitely washed off a lot of space where there wasn't any blood, though

i chopped a cucumber into slices & we sealed them in a container & put them in the fridge. i wrote the journal for yesterday &
today up to this point. he wasn't interested in a ghost story so i watched about half an hour of it. but it took more than half an
hour because i kept getting thoughts & pausing to write them down. eventually i postponed the movie & we got drunk as we
watched big trouble in little china. the last fight scene was completely incomprehensible to me after three vodka sodas

-

july 23rd. his parents were slated to return that evening. i wrote on the
postcard, then we walked a couple of blocks to a mailbox & deposited it

that evening i spent a while transcribing more lucy songs. we went on a walk around the block. it was warm, humid, &
overcast. i balanced my water bottle on the palm of my hand as we walked. when we got home, his parents were back. his
mom showed us lots of pictures on her phone. that night we watched bill & ted's excellent adventure, which was real good

-

july 24th. we went on a walk to the nature trail with the playground near the start. on the
way there we passed the big park & saw a dog playing on a splash pad with lots of kids

we walked a fair ways along the trail then turned back. we saw a split fallen tree trunk
that looked like an alligator
. we listened to red sea's sugar & spice as we walked

as we passed the splash pad again, we saw that the dog would look down at a water spout & bite at the water. some girls
would hold a cup over the spout so that the dog would put its nose close to it, then they would lift the cup & the dog
would bite at the water with its nose almost to the ground, which was the funniest-looking way for it to happen

after we got home, we went on a grocery run with his mom. we picked up ice cream sandwiches,
which i had been craving. that night we watched the man who fell to earth & he made grilled cheeses

-

july 25th. it might have been around this time that he finished the lego puzzle. he had
done pretty much all the work on it, & i only really stepped in around when it was done

we walked to the bus stop. on the way there i saw a wasp dragging a dead cicada & unsuccessfully trying to take flight with it.
we took the bus to the library & returned bill & ted, a ghost story, big trouble in little china, & the man who fell to earth.
i refilled my water bottle at that fountain. it was #48,632. it had refilled 19 bottles over the past three days

we started walking to an area historically defined by lots of Czech immigrants & now defined largely by depressing, hipster-y,
gentrified stores. on the way there we passed the apartment building outside of which that guy had said my pal has long
hair. i noticed that there were lots of painted rocks among the many little rocks that bordered the building

we wandered around the Czech area for a while. we saw a pretty bandstand & a tree trunk carved into a big
morel mushroom
. i looked around a very dense, charming antique store. outside we found a painted rock,
which i carried all the way back to that apartment building so i could put it with the others

we went back to the library. we checked out the two bill & ted sequels & the lost
boys
& he bought a book bag. we went home & i added some art to my rym list

we went on a walk along the same pretty road we'd taken to the grotto. i picked a flower. we saw a chipmunk.
we kicked a walnut down the sidewalk several times. we passed a guy telling his daughter that you had
to be sixty-two miles up to be in outer space, & she said she was gonna go a billion miles up

this time we followed the street further, to the big park. i found a crab apple & carried it a ways. we passed
two very friendly dogs who ran up to the fence of their backyard & greeted us, hardly barking. we went near
the playground of an elementary school. when we got to the big park i squashed the crab apple under my foot

we went home. that night we watched bill & ted's bogus journey, which wasn't quite as good but still nice

-

july 26th. we walked to a nearby park we hadn't been to yet. on the way there we were approached by a husky puppy that was unambiguously
the cutest puppy i had ever encountered. then we walked over to his old elementary school & looked at it. then we walked to a little park
that's just a triangle of grass with an old sculpture that used to be in front of the old library. he had nostalgia around the sculpture

on the way back a guy kept asking if he could ask us a question, if we weren't racist, & he followed along
with us on the sidewalk for a bit on his bicycle calling us racist, then left us alone but not before
yelling some nasty vulgar stuff at us. then he started yelling at some random person in a car

we got home & he made grilled cheeses again for lunch. that night we
watched bill & ted face the music, which was an awful, awful movie

-

july 27th. i watched him use an image editing tool built into rateyourmusic to crop a picture he had uploaded, which
is apparently done by rapidly clicking a minus sign button that only narrows the picture by one pixel over & over

his dad took us to an army surplus store where i found a print of a rabbit for one dollar

then his grandparents had us & his parents over for a big dinner. before dinner he & i walked over to a nearby catholic
elementary school & investigated the playgrounds. we found a really awesome thing that you could cling to & spin
around on, it was probably my favorite playground structure i've ever encountered. he took two videos of me on it

we went back & his dad brought up the idea of my pal & i playing pool, if we were bored. we went along with the idea. we went with his
grandma down to the basement & she put great effort into clearing a bunch of stuff off the table for us & getting out a little vacuum
so we could clean it. & we played pool. i hadn't played it in a long time! the few times i'd played i'd been pretty young, so i had
just been kind of messing around. & we basically messed around this time too. he forfeited after he pocketed one of mine

his forfeit was sort of emphasized four distinct times, once for each other person present, in a kind of amusing play-gossipy way

we went outside, sat under a tree roaring with cicada buzz, walked over & saw one clinging to a leaf. then it was dinnertime.
there was roast, potato casserole, green beans, watermelon, jello, coffee cake, chocolate milk, & i had a cup of coffee...
his grandma serves coffee with a little teacup of milk & a porcelain container of sugar whose lid is a rabbit figurine

the chocolate milk was a brand i've never had before & it was really good. i tend to feel like chocolate milk tasted very
good when i was a child & then became sort of unpleasant, generally. but maybe i am getting the wrong chocolate milk

after dinner we went back out to the playground & i spun on the thing more. i also hopped across a hopscotch
court really fast. while we were walking back to the house, he lightly knocked on my head & said "bonk."
i purposefully fell forward into the grass. his mom & grandma happened to be standing at a window,
so when we got back inside his grandma asked if i had falled on purpose or for real

we drove home with his mom. comfortably numb played on the radio & i nearly teared up at the same few lines as usual

that night we watched magical mystery tour. then we got drunk while attempting to watch the lost boys but he didn't like it
much at all so we switched to a few other things tentatively. i guess we didn't really commit to watching a movie that night

-

july 28th. around four in the morning i had painful psychosomatic pressure inside my skull from
compulsive romantic daydreaming paired with my estrangement from the person i envisioned

we walked around the nearby college campus again. we hoped to explore an art building that was supposed to have student-made
art in it, but it was off limits. we looked at a big bell instead. we went home. that night we watched both wayne's world movies

-

july 29th. shortly after i woke up we went grocery shopping with his dad. i was in a daze & sort of a bad mood for a lot of the day. i was so
sucked into my phone throughout the morning that i barely processed the drive to the store, or walking around the store, or the drive back

while i was in the store i came up with a single-panel comic with no dialogue that i really needed to draw, & as we drove
home i mentally ran through all the little steps i'd need to go through in an image editor to get it just how i wanted
it. i was frustrated that i was picturing the steps instead of doing them. i drew it shortly after we got home

in the evening we walked down to that big lake & back again. that night we watched the first two
volumes of computer animation festival, which was real fun, then we watched yellow submarine

-

july 30th. shortly after i woke, his mom gave us a ride to the petting zoo again. i fed a goat again. i pet the cows.
i watched the pigs root around in the gravel. this time we got to feed the sheep a few handfuls of food & pet them, which
was great. in the chicken pen a young child chased the chickens around & would wantonly pick them up & clutch them.
she also went up on the hill which was meant to be a private space for them. she wasn't reprimanded for this, i think
because she was the child of an employee. that was fine, i guess. i hope she didn't scare the chickens too much

we walked a little path that led around all the duck pens, to a place at the far end that was a nice vantage point into a beautiful stretch of the
dense greenness surrounding this place. i closed my eyes & tried to clear my mind & melt into the nature sounds melding with the distant blur of
the ducks' radio. then we walked off along a trail into the woods a bit. they were beautiful. then we went back & went through the duck exhibit

as we headed back through the opposite way, we got a very clear view of a chipmunk on the sidewalk. i didn't realize how long their tails can be.
it was also cool enough out that they had brought one of the big rabbits out into its pen - the one named Benny. that young child was in the
pen, & i crouched by her & pet Benny for a little bit. she kept saying, "he doesn't bite, he only nibbles." i let him nibble on my fingers

the cows are often sort of shy, but one of them poked their head through the fence & i held its
head & pet it. it tried to eat my hair & got slobber on the ends of a lock of it, which was fine

as we left, a young child passing us on the sidewalk held his ziploc bag of pretzels up to
me & said "snacks!". i shook my fist a little & said "hell yeah." we rode the bus home

i spent a lot of the day reading about rabies. around sunset we walked to the store. i brought a bottle of
sparkling water along, & he wanted me to finish it before we got there, lest they suspect me of stealing
it. so i had to drink it pretty fast & uncomfortably chug the last of it as we crossed the parking lot

at the store we used the last of our money, a ten dollar gift card, to get some chips, cheese
dip, & chocolate chip cookies. we watched two more volumes of computer animation

-

july 31st. in the early morning i went to the spare room & sat in the dark with the diaphanous
curtains & the shadow of the window sill on ceiling cast by the streetlight for a little while

we walked to an art-themed event at a nearby park. there were booths set up along the street by various local
artists, organizations, & businesses. there was live music, including a bunch of kids playing string instruments.
the caricature artist from the music event was there, drawing people for free, & i got myself drawn

there was also a free painting class, where a nice guy named Braxton led people through drawing a different painting each hour. i did the first one,
i think it was called "lilac dreams" on the schedule, & it turned out okay, i suppose. i don't think the lilacs really turned out looking like lilacs.
he had use make the leaves using four q-tips held in one hand, but he was real good at it & i couldn't get the leaves as dense as he did

i convinced my pal to join me for the second one, "cosmic creation." i was pretty frustrated for the initial half or so of that one, because
i wetted my canvas a bit too much. all the paint i added would start spreading around uncontrollably. but i got a handle on it & wound up
with something i liked a fair amount. i particularly liked how the shooting starts turned out. my pal's turned out sharper-looking, less
impressionistic i guess. i had no way of safely transporting any of the paintings home, so he got to hang them all up in his room

when we got home i preemptively packed up a bit, which naturally was a bit morose. he let my have his copy of holes, which he'd
had since elementary school. he also gave me a john grisham book that was lying around, which he thought my dad might appreciate

i called the pharmacy back in my city & asked them how much my refill of the medication i'm injected with would be. the
bad news was that it would be about one hundred & fifty dollars. the good news was that i had expected losing my health
insurance to boost the price by more than thirty dollars, i honestly had expected it to be something way more crazy

dinner was pulled pork with shells & cheese, which i liked. we went on probably our last evening walk,
to the store to drop the remaining dvds off in a return bin. then we spent the last last of our money
on a bag of watermelon gummies, a jar of salsa con queso, some more chips, & a bottle of wine

i had been falling asleep around four in the morning the past several days & we had
nothing to wake up early for the following day, so we agreed to both stay up late

my bus back home would depart the following night

endings are sad for me!

we watched more computer animation

i will close this set of journal entries in the same way verbatim that i closed the entries which concerned the previous
extended span of time that we spent together: he wants at least one mention of himself of himself as a "boyfriend" rather
than a "pal," although i typically don't care to refer to such things unless it is relevant to the anecdote. this is the mention