february 5th, 2022

i can understand a person romantically desiring another person, & finding it too painful to not have
those feelings reciprocated, but i think i am arriving at an understanding that i have a personal
incompatibility with that mode of engagement. i am fond of an alternative approach:

someone put forward the notion of a person in a relationship hypothetically presenting the requirement, for their
comfort in being in the relationship, that the two remain capable of being friends in the event of a breakup

but i don't think it's a requirement that has to be imposed, as much as an initial bellwether that is merely observed, & which
informs the palatability of a romantic relationship in the first place... a bellwether of a general, underlying, unwavering
platonic care & sense of being valued in a holistic capacity, not just in a romantic capacity that would override those
other capacities if it wasn't satisfied. this may positively display the intensity of the romantic capacity
or negatively display the weakness of the other capacities, but the result is the same

it seems pessimistic to wholly accept the cultural trope of the "resented ex" rather than striving to maintain beneficial social
relationships anywhere that it might be remotely possible - relationships which would ideally transcend categories of love