"i'm not desperate enough for companionship to entertain venturing out from the .01%
of humanity i seem to get along with, so whoever i'm with, with that underlying,
desperation is still always really special. it's still the situation though"
"i intend to be very liberal in my disclosure of just how little i seem to feel about any given thing.
until it is either disheartening or i begin to feel enough that i can no longer truthfully say any of it"
"i don't think i can do that anymore. i used to, but now my love of being nice i think is too self-
justifying, it's for the sake of its own circularly reasoned pure intent. babbling right now"
"i like having a foil for my silliness"
"it doesn't feel like 'that happened to me!' as much as it's
among a cache of images that i don't have to draw up myself"
"i like new interior spaces"
"i couldn't have know what that
museum looked like until i went there"
"tacos are complex"
"the categories of people whose arms i categorically can or cannot feel at home in
may exist, independent of infatuation. or they're not so fixed, there can be
transference. or they don't exist at all. have to find out i guess"
"i still have my 'your room' that i visualized before i went there"
"... 'my love is too valuable to you for me to retract it in the interest of my own romantic aspirations' ..."
"an inclination towards staunchly consistent concession to empathy"
"it's not that way. although earlier i guess the scenario of encountering someone who i ended up with
instead of you ran through my head. with no particular emotional tint to it, not like a desired daydream.
but it forced me to shift my perspective to yours, try to experience all sides. & that vicarious sadness
made it feel impossible. i guess if it really came to that, if i really did have such a drive to leave
you, if it truly seemed like what i needed to do. then it would be disingenuous not to. so it
would be my responsibility kind of. but i wouldn't want to, i do not want to cause pain"
"nearly crying at the idea of a breakup, more in the abstract than hypothetically between us"
"i have to wonder if there is just something wrong with me such that what i ultimately
really want is something that doesn't exist. or just isn't clearly defined enough
for anything in reality to even have a target to align with"
"the things you're saying are really special & exceptional. it makes me feel like there's something wrong with
me for how i'm not more affected by them. i feel sort of ruined by acclimation to schizoid marionettes"